Promises

I recently had a birthday, I turned 60 if you’re interested, and I had planned to talk about reaching that milestone. But the vagaries and mysteries of life kinda got in the way,  leaving me with far too many other things to talk about.  But I think, just maybe, I can tie them all together.  I’m gonna give it a shot and I thank you for coming along on the ride.

Early in January my sister-in-law, died, or former sister-in-law (our family is complicated).  She was only 64.  She died in her son’s, my nephew’s,  arms.

A few weeks ago I turned 60.  I’m the proverbial child that refused to grow up and god damn it, somewhen I wasn’t really looking it happened.  I’ll have words to say when I finally meet the manager of this mess.  ANYWAY,  . .  .

My sisters and I headed out to support my brother and his son as they came to grips with their loss.  The day I left 17 students lost their lives.

I found this ironic in a sense, that just as our family, our insular community, pulled together, a disenfranchised teen tried to destroy the community he felt shunned him. But I find it also poignant.

Community, or the lack thereof, has been a soapbox issue for me as it was for my sister-in-law. We are the last of a dying breed, a generation whose norm was a parent at home. A Community where kids were at home or in their yards after school. Where we knew our neighbors and more importantly they knew us AND our parents. I didn’t skip school as a teen, not because I always did the right thing, but because there wasn’t anywhere I could go that I wouldn’t be seen by someone who would call my mother and report where I was.

So when I hear all this talk about prevention and reaction to school shootings, I am dismayed that our disconnection from each other at the neighbor level isn’t pointed at. I believe the solution to these attacks lies in reinvesting in our communities, closer to home.

It takes a village to raise a child. So much truth to that adage, one I saw manifest at my sister-in-law’s memorial. An entire small community, that helped raise my my nephew, coming together to support her family and celebrate a life that had a meaningful impact on those around her.

I hear y’all thinking–Isnt that what funerals are? Yes, it is what they are supposed to be but as our communities become less engaged at the neighbor level so do these services become more obligatory with less meaningful content. More and more often they are officiated by a clergy who does not know the deceased’s name much less any personal details.

But this service was all I thought it could and should be. Her belief system was complex and not religious, more spiritual in nature. The clergy here were those that reveled in their friendship with her and the interactions they shared, the lessons they learned from her and the inspiration she spawned.

My sister-in-law was a fairy in human guise, when she left us a bit of magic left the world with her. Part of her magic was to help others see the magic they had to offer and inspire them to share it openly. Perpetuating that open acceptance and celebration of others is one way we can keep her magic alive.

She would always tell you she loved you, in case she didn’t get another chance. So make a little magic and tell those around you that you care about them. Celebrate their magic in your life.